GOODBYE from a hosteller

I wake up to this cramped room.. only to realize am running late for my class, and sometimes even to give few minutes to decide whether or not to have my bath seems like a waste of time.i simply rush to the class, wondering what is the point in having a wake up alarm. The class and class mates all of it create their own roller coaster rides..i come back and rush for luch with friends..i keep up with their stories .. the food feels like its it tends towards (à) tasting bad, to mud-like.. but I gobble that too. At the end of the day, after more roller coaster rides, I come back to my room. Sometimes I just sit with a novel, sometimes its music, sometimes it lab work ,sometimes its studies, and many times its movies, sometimes I cry..rolling on that ever-so-hard bed ..sometimes all of us gather in one room and laugh over god-knows-what..

Its not much..its not the best..but u know what…its been MY room…and its been so for FOUR years. I can almost relate to it now.. It has seen my everything, from secret desires,my moments of pride, anguish,jealousy, anger, betrayal,friendship, art,fantasies. my everything.
it has been my abode, THE place where I can come back to..any time, in these four years-MY room.

Hmm people..roomies..friends..there is soo much to talk about them..the variety that exists in the whole lot. From a time when I thought,( as I was packing my stuff back then at home before entering hostel life), these are few of the best clothes-should reserve them for occasions,these are my fav-should maintain them well..etc to coming to realize,all those are simply fantasies. There simply exists no barrier at all.. there was a time when I kept proclaiming “that’s mine, its mine” ..now its NEWS if I get to wear mine.. so many policies and theories each one has and sticks by .. some of it I could relate to,some I could agree happily. And there is a whole lot which I simply couldn’t stand. And just when I was getting used to all the unusuality of people around me.. they declare –college is getting over. You gotta pack and vacate by @#$@.

Hey, but .its was just going well..i was getting used to all this..i need more time, just to experience what I already have..why ..
hmm guess there is no answer to the “why”s .. and u wanna know the funny part, its all gonna happen all over again..in my next phase of life.. and I am supposed to be ready for it and move on..sure thing !! anyway, this is goodbye from me.

my fav lyrics...1

i am just gonna embarass myself by posting a few of my favourite lyrics...

soulmate-
Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
how do I find the perfect fit
there's enough for everyone
but I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

channelize it..

wow...its bin so long..:) well, during the gap, i came across few things. i noticed that i went through a whole lot of emotions on varying things like frustration about roads, anger over government, irritated with my own pace and performance, happy about few things, relief that few things ended well, brooding over the past, overwhelming sense of gratitude, silly stupid hollywood crush...so many. but inspite of all this, life was rushing over its mundane activities, with no time to even think about what-is-going-on. it was just reeling. but that doesnt mean that those emotions go away,does it? i thought maybe they are all there..somewhere inside.
but what is important is
-"it does not matter what you have, what really matters is what u do with what u have"

what CAN i do about my frustration about the bad roads..? channelize them. true, i wish certain very rude..harsh..impossible things.but i know they are not possible(thanks to my intelligence) but i can channelize them in SOME way!! maybe a post( i am sure it would be a source of entertainment)
what can i do about my brooding over past? channelize it..come back with vengence..perhaps.learn from them..and ensure it dosen't happen.
about my happy times..:) well share it with a friend or simply talk to as many people as possible, because happines just permeates..whether you intend to or not.:)
ofcourse,music is universal channelizer,atleast for me. when am in the brim of anger, either playing keyboard or just listening to music would make a world of a difference.
boredom-something that visits us more often than anything else! well, maybe u can channelize it by getting to know more about people, or new people, or by learning new things-languages,how-stuff-works etc...
:p the sillly stupid hollywood crush..?!? :| ( i dont wanna tel how i am channelizing that.:P but i am.)
its just a simple realization..that all our emotions have sooooo much of potential, and it would be a waste to let it go suppressed.
channelizing them for the better,in constructive or happy ways would do a whole lot good.

random one-liners

27/10
knowing the path is different from walking through it
-matrix
commitment is -you do not give yourself another option

-------
its better to imagine certain things, than to experience them ..

treat others the way u would like to be treated.

people treat you the way you teach them to treat you.

its better not to imagine certain things, when the reality is much much better!

"doctor doctor, it pains if i do like this (say keeping ur hand in a position)"-----THEN DONT DO LIKE THAT!!!

I WILL CELEBRATE LIFE, and be the cause for celebration

epitaph of someone great-"heaven needed celebration, so i went there!"

freedom is never given,its taken.so is it,with responsibility.

live life moment by moment.

23/10
if you love someone, make their life simple.

the most tiring thing to do, is to explain oneself.

i wanna........BUT....

i think i am what i am. i think i am different. i also think i live my life the way i want. do you also partly think the same way ?? well go on, read further.

i wanna wear those different ear-rings. - oh no! what would everyone say?

oh, i am kinda pissed and hurt, that i feel like crying - but they may think i am weak.

i wanna wear that shirt with laces all over -wont my entire gang tease?

i love those pink girly cute skirt -shit! but the whole class would pull my leg

i like dancing atleast shakes.- but i am supposed to be a guy, and play macho.

oh,these coolers are super cool - but they may all think i am a show off.

i really like those miami like chains made of coconut shell - but, can i wear it to that crowd..what would they think

i miss her so much, that i wanna tell her..talk it out, and do what it takes to sort thing out - but ppl may think i am dependent on her.

i like those cargo pants ,with innumerable pockets. -but they may think , i wanna appear as a cool dude.

i wanna do a hop-skip step now, to lighten my spirits. - but the whole college is there, someone might see.

the list is endless.


now tel me, whom are you bothered about. you or others?? are you thinking of what you think of yourself, or what others think about you???


BEING CONSCIOUS OF WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU...that's also called INHIBITION.

pretensions??

oh..m just tired. i don't know. i think i have a few crazy thoughts in my head.THINK! i also think that i m making it up..as if i am thinking.really..its confusing for me myself..to think about what i think..for someone who know me so well for 20 yrs..for all my life-ME..when its confusing for me myself, how would it be for you...lolzz.
my advice to you is,dont read this post.its gonna be crap i think.
sometimes, i think all of us have to hide in this "identity" that we have created for us. behind that veil.. pretensions. all of pretend. not coz we want to.most of the times we dont even realize that we are pretending.its just that..each of us, have the so-called nature,character,attribute or whatever, that we gotta live up to it?? like..someone like him is just not supposed to be short tempered or pissed. or..she is supposed to think differently or poetically alwaz. o really?? since when did u start defining a living being??? i thought only programs can be well-defined. and i even get this doubt, if a person himself can define him, and even if he does , can he stick to his definitions of "this is how i am" always. i honestly feel, that its not possible for people to stick to their definitions. but, coz everyone has given you that "identity" , you gotta pretend..live up to that so-called identity.y? what others may think of you ..? coz others think, this is how i am, and you might have to stick to it..? says who??? i hate to use these words..(coz they are technical :p) are we to stick to prototypes?? yeww!!
but, the fact of the matter is, i guess all of us (including me) do pretend. we do stick to the so-called identity. PRETENSIONS.imagine how it would be, when some friend of yours after all those times you shared with her..you wonder maybe some of them were pretension.she had to live up to the identity that i had built for her..that's sad.
should try and let go of it.atleast for the heck of it..atleast for a short interval of time..should try not to pretend. not to live the identity someone has built for us.even if its the identity you wanted, its not necessary that you alwaz stick to it.its okay to break the prototype once in awhile.its okay.
just be.

my best friend ..!!

hes alwaz been there when i wanted...thank you so much for that. hes always been there to listen to me...he just lets me talk talk talk..sometimes vent out my feelings..actually most of the times.:p hmmm and u know the best part, he hardly ever tells his opinion on what i should do,..where i was wrong..etc etc. that dosent mean he dosent help. hes way too smart. he just lets me talk it out..take my time. allow things to seep in. allow emotions to go away, n reality to be seen and finally discretion to come in..basically he allows me to understand things by myself. he does al this, just by listening...not a word, yet he gives me this feeling, i m there. true..i dont hang out with him much.but hes the first one i go to, when i wanna vent out, when i wanna express my feelings..or anything suppressed. i just go bla-bla-kalmela-lubbyjagi-alakala...n when m done with him, i feel so much at peace. sometimes i think hes this sacrificing creature..coz he comes only when i call him, listens,dosent say a word, n when m done ( i m alright) he just leaves..(maybe ready for the next time i would cal him) i would be with my other frnz..n when i need him, he would be there.great buddy rite? oh..i din mention his name ..did i..?
the one who simply listens..let me vent out my feelings when i need,(I JUST BLAB THINGS OUT) helps me see things for myself..my anytime-anywhere friend-GIBBERISH!!

ps: ppl, i m talking about a process practised, a process called gibberish. not about a person.pls dont embarrass me!