Saturday, September 19, 2009

a rude awakening!

personal.well that means,i write it for myself.i write it 'coz apparently blog happens to be the only thing to which i can vent it out. i really dont care what others think about fact i would be happy if u dont read it.:) (then y at all wirte it? u may ask.i told u.its the only way can vent my thoughts.this topic.)its for me,and me alone.
well, i m someone who give people their space in relationships.
i believe its the space between the two walls,that would help the roof to be held high.
i am happy giving people their spaces coz i like mine too. but apparently,erm..:P at every stage,knowingly or unknowingly, i have one or two people, where i take the right..its like i consider them the same way as i consider myself-for both good and put it,i used to think,at every stage,i have this blow-up kinda tent na..which (i assumed)is one tent-one material which is blown up into a tent.
but,recently,i was told..rather awakened rudely, that even if its that blow-up tent,it needs air in between for it to be a tent.:) on retrospection,i realized that in the recent past, i have had this thing put up in front of me before-the thing that ppl need space...just that i refused to wake up then,and chose to wake up now:)
so..everybody (no exceptions) need their own space.
i should remember that.

anyways,thank you for the awakening-it might have been rude,but nevertheless its still an awakening. now that i woke up :) :)

Friday, September 18, 2009

i DONT knw :)

certain words and phrases,can have so many meanings..during so many situations to so many people. wow..wat a variety in life.:) :)
this pharse.."i dont knw :) " (with the smile included) can mean so so many things.
but the first thing that strikes me ,is that my friend winnie ,if she asks what are you upto..? have u decided ? or..are u coming or not..? and if u dare say "i dnt knw" snap-would go her face,atleast inside (she wud manage her smile always)

anyway,for so many of us,its almost an ego-shattering experience to say i dont knw-especially if its to a question related to your profession. omg!! i dont know the answer! oooh..!! i gotta accept this in front of so many people..! what would they think of me?? wow..! how much i care about what others think of me.
well,among friends, if someone asks about my opinion about some guy/gal (opposite gender) and i say "well hmm i dont knw..:)" all of us better know for sure,that theres more than a hundered feeling and thought inside me.

after a emotional incident,among friends or any close relation..when i relate about it to my friends or when i think about it to myself(the higher probable thing) again i land up with.."hmm i dont knw what m actually feeling.i 'm supposed to feel this actioins indicated that.thats what i wanted the other person involved to understand.but..erm..thats not what i m feeling..grrr...i dnt knw"

the other way round,when i m listening to someone talk,and either i m forming opinion about the incident, or telling him/her whats actually happened,god knows from where this higher-intelligence comes (that thing which conveniently disappears when i m in the same scenario),the maturity to view things from both ends."again i go.." omg i dnt knw,maybe thats what she thought too,maybe thats why he did it that way"

trust me, i go to this state (the things which my friends call the bah-state) most of the time
- my most favourite thing is..when i really dont knw..n m completely placid about it-the fact,that right now,this moment i just dont knw whats gonna happen,what would happen,the effect of my words,what i had done-none of it-i dnt knw any of it..all i knw is-i dnt knw about anything right now,and i m happy about it. :) s

PERCEPTION-others have it too case u haven't realized, all of us keep changing ALL the time,in all aspects.the pace of change may be different. but everything about us keeps changing, our likes,our level of patience,tolerance, ppl whom we move with,frnz, dislikes, mannerisms, way of life and especially OUTLOOK to lyf.
now that u gotta know u keep changing,i wanna ask u two things.
have we ever thought, that the other person also keeps changing??
does ur perception of others keep changing?

hmm. most of us are smart. we change our perceptions of the world,coz apparently that's the only way for us to be in the race..if u gotta be on,u gotta get ur perception of life on the move..with the trends.
but what about people? do i even realize that others keep changing too..? do i have the need to realize that..y?? like i care(LIC!!) i m just comfortable believing that they are the same old dumb insensitive person they are,and hell is not possible for them to change.that's..almost inconceivable. is that what we think ?? (hope its not :p)
but you know always,i understand my view, my opinion,things from my side much much better than any other. so,this kinda dawned on me a new thought. its this-
just like how my perception about others don't change or is hard to change (to make myself feel little compassionate)others' perception of me would also not change!! right..? it would be stupid of me to expect that..but how conveniently i choose to be stupid with my expectations,and land up getting frustrated.
think about it? ok..i accept, i had been a moron last few months,by moron i mean it-completly insensitive ,as rude as possible.but then life slapped-it always does. n it shook me.i realized!! m enlightened !! :p then i land up being nice and sweet, but lo-the other turns away.
what goes in my head??
WTH..i actually changed,realized and i wanna make up for it and what i get back in return?? a feeling of invisibility?!.
but whats actually happened??
the other person,(missy) had been hurt,formed her opinions,perceptions about me n left it at that. i cant expect it to change that easily unless i change my perceptions about so many people.
generally,or atleast for me,with my friends since they watch me closely (real close ,my frnz dat too) they know and move along with my changes.but family and others..or people who dont knw or watch me closely..sometimes its so annoying.for eg., when i go out to dine with my family,and i order a dish that i din like the previous time, (coz i went with friends someother time,and liked it then) everybody would ridicule me. (ofcourse i would say LIC n continue wiht what i want) but still,itits annoying.i would feel like tellin-"people,i keep changing you knw!!"
if u r asking me what exactly are u trying to say?? just this-
the spectacles with which you see the world,is how the world appears to u.if its scratched, and u land up thinking world is scratched..what can i say??!
don't expect others to renew their perceptions unless you are open to change yours.
how i wish,we don't form perceptions at all...we just accept people as they are.absorb the incident as it is-and LEAVE IT AT THAT. but,i guess thats one of the many many frailty of humans. so i guess we just gotta make the best out of it. :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

HeRe we GO agaiN....

personal post..i will explain what exactly i mean by that,in the next.m running short of time.but..most of us wud be able to relate to that.sometimes,life is like that..COLUMBUS ride..or the tora-tora..any one of those things...
when i just convinced myself,that its done and thru'..i got nothing more to do about it..talked myself to believe the good side of the bad (some self-falsification) when i convince myself,till now it was storm but now..its gonna be calm(hey does that rhyme?? :) ) says.."oii..excuse me!! hang on babes..! u cant make life appear so simple. u cant possibly assume that things would be as falsely-normal as not over HERE we go again...
the ride begins again...
one of my fav songs go..
"here we are again..circles never end."

Monday, September 14, 2009

the BEST plum EVER...

i happened to read this somewhere and i liked it.thought i would share it along woth my thought with you.
the imagination is little funny,but..its seems there was this best plum. but someone came upto it and said,"o u are a plum,but i like banana" so the plum changed itself into a banana (mind you,it was the BEST plum ever,now its just a banana). few months later,the banana lover came and said,"my taste has changed.i like oranges now." so the plum-turned-banana changed itself into an orange. then the present orange lover said "u are being too sour". so the plum-turned-banana-turned-orange turned itself into an apple.but now,the banana lover-turned orange -lover left the newly turned orange and went in search of grapes.
the apple now said,listening to so many changing opinions,i kept changing myself so many times that i no more no who i actually am. i might as well could have been the best plum ever,and waited for the plum-lover to come.
has this been your story too? so many times,we dont mind pretending to be someone else just for the sake of getting along,with the gang,with the crowd. is it actually so hard to stand up for what you actually are..? is it so difficult to proclaim,this is me and this is how i am.these are my likes,and these are my dislikes.i am what i am.weird right? the whole magic of life,relationship ..everything for that matter,i appreciating that uniqueness in you and enjoying the unique person that you are. how easily,sometimes we get the most simple straight-foward things of life,all wrong.
there is a world for each one of us,which would accept you as you are,which would appreciate you as you are. find that world..or maybe that world will find you.and only that is your world.

COSTless LuXuRies

finallly...i wanted to write this for quite sometime. something which would alwaz bring a smile on my face.:)
u knw,to simply feel happy, to enjoy,u actually dnt need much.feww small wonders are enough.of course,all of us knw this, and agree to it. but,sometimes,when things arent gng the way u want,or the way it can go..its such thoughts which help one, to move on..i use these costless luxuries in two,i just think of them n land up with a smile.two..esp., if its traffic in the rain,waiting for hotel seat,etc i would think of how i could turn this into a costless luxury or what if this was a costless luxury.
beating about the bush?? well,the whole purpose of reading/writing this post is satisfied if after reading the list down here,u landed up with the tiniest of smiles!!


getting wet in the rain. a walk in the terrace or a calm road. dancing in the rain. a walk with ur loved one or friend,under one umbrella. while walking with ur sibling,when it rains suddenly( assuming u hvae the umbrella) fighting for it,and finally when u win,oushing it away and getting wet.

sipping coffee n watching the rain through the window. watching strret kids jump in every puddle possible. get inspired to make a paper boat,but to realize u forgot how to make one.

have u ever walked in the beach when it drizzles,omg!! midnight at beach! early morning sunrise in the watch that red ball come out..majestic magic.gazing at the moon in the beach. lying on mum's lap in the beach..listening to the waves.playing like as if u have turned mad,falling all over the sand. bajji at beach.
alone at the beach(time for retrospection) watching kids play in the beach.

coffee with a friend (whether u meet everyday or those rare meets)..chatting endlessly about nothing,simply nothing. getting wet in the rain,with frnz or loved ones and running to the near by coffee shop and as soon as u sit down.laugh like a fool. sipping coffee alone,wishing it would never end,watching the beach..or just sipping.
walk with a friend..wum u r meeting after awhile. walk with ur gang,fighting to talk or to be heard first. pillow fights with friends.

star gazing with cousins. sacring the younger ones with hoots but getting scared urself secretly.
the list is just endless..hope u shared a smile.
ps:guess it show in ur writing when u r in a bad mood.i din knw that ;)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

THAT that MaTtEr,THERE there leave

that title sounds like the most local form of english, in fact auto-drivers would talk better..but,its an insight,atleast to me!!
i also have a feeling that it would contradict( or make me clarify to you) one of my future posts on living every moment to the fullest!!
anyway,too much of prelude for the post,let me start off.
well,all of us confront so many situations in a day,meet various people..and all of it,has its own it the situations,or the people who are part of the situation.obviously these things kindle different emotions in fact,the same situation,would make me smile one day, and would irritate me another day. this phenomenon itself makes me wonder...(the phenomenon that a same situation,to the same person,can make her smile one time , while irritate another time..but that i guess is not the focus of this post :p )
also,when so many people are involved,there is bound to be a confrontation of personal ego(i HATE that word.that thing..ego!! yeww!! ) i m definitely not gonna be impractical enough to tell, to drop ego,that would transform us into mother way!! but,maybe it is possible for us to think about-not carrying the ego forever and ever(come on,this is not a fairy tale..even that says "they lived happily ever after",not egoistic ever after!!)
perhaps,heres where comes our title-"that that matter there there leave" :)
well,i get ego involved with someone say mr.perfect,okay..i snap,he snaps back (ya thats natural go on..) i spite,he spites back,i almost feel like saying, its a waste of time talking to jerks like you,but keep it to myself ( i am wise u see:) ) one of us, or both reach the threshold and quit. blank! we get out of the place. maybe, each other would turn invisible for the day. ya..all of us know this..its one of those i-wanna-get-out-of-this-place,i-am-pissed-don't-talk-to me days!! all this is routine (can you believe it..? routime? but its true.)
but what would be ugly is,if you actually carry this hurt or ego even during the next meet!!
thats,reallllllly ugly. that that matter there there leave.!! its happened ages back (even if its a single day,ITS 24 HOURS...1440 MINS,THATS AGES,atleast for the amount of math i have done)

i will put it in a few ways.
first for that same ego of you know,it would be so awkward for the other person,if you could talk to him as if nothing had happened. (mr.perfect would actually be embarassed about himself,and maybe his pettiness) that's one of the things ego wanted to do in the first place. didnt it?
treat others the way you want to be treated.(sometimes i wish i hadnt come across this u know) that line,that one line, would most of the times change my actions(ruin my plan,rehersal..of the list of things that would hurt the other)
this is logic,pure is to live,and its to live happily!! whats the point,in carrying foward things of past,which are absolutely useless.

hmm,i have been holding grudges..FOOLISHLY,and paid its price.few incidents where THAT THAT MATTER ALWAYZ WITH ME,cost me 2 yrs of no-talking,or no talking forever.
i told you,i ham becoming wise.:)

i am blessed that i have a few friends,who are like this..ted,winnie..ofcourse i do have friends who helo me practise all this too :) we need both.
meet you soon.